Monday, November 10, 2008
i'm tired.. i'm tired of being who i am.
What's happening on me? I keep wondering why again and again.
For my own decision. This time. i think it's right. It's the time for me to breathe again. To feels the brand new me, to become stronger, and to become a better person.
Everyone is looking down on me. (for certain ppl) i knew it.
It's just like whatever stuff that i've done or whatever that i'm doing are WRONG! those making me crazy and confused!
At this age, problems comes and goes..
I got my own troubles. It's all so damn bothered! Pain killer couldn't help much.
Keep releasing/expressing to others. i know its useless. the facts are still here. but, just wanna express out to feeling better.
Where are you? When you're needed. but where are you? You're my only lover, but why ended up my friend with me at the very moment that i needs you?
30mins before i've started to write this blog.
I've just got myself out from frightening!!!
10:30pm at a so called 'friend' 's place. Waiting my another friend inside the car. As she said just take something only. okay, fine.
11pm, still waiting. Received calls and SMS from lover and mom. Got scolded. okay, never mind. it's okay..
11:15pm, still waiting. Finally received her called, said that ''she is COMING ''! okay! i was like, ''wow! finally!''
11:35pm, still waiting.
11:40pm, decided to pass back the car key to her and take taxi home.
11:45pm, walked out of the private apartment. No taxi at all !
11:50pm, walking out to the main road while still looking for taxi. (All the small roads are damn dark and lots of dogs! bout 7-8 dogs barked at me! I was scared! So scared! I was praying for myself. and hope that a taxi will appear in front of me! i miss someone that time! but damn disappointed on someone at the same time! )
11:55pm, thanks god! i got a taxi!
12:15am, finally reached my place.
Why? Why still never ever change? WHY??
And for myself.
What's happening again? WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!! i am RUINING my own life!!!!
isit my own problems? or what? pls tell me! i'm damn confusing right now! Who am i? i 'm lost.
I AM TOTALLY LOST !!!!
And for another 'you'! You're the most important person in my life. As everytime when i'm praying.
YOU!, mom, sis and bro would be the first that i praying for good in health and luck.
But, this is how you treated me. should i say THANKS for that?
Again, at my age. Problems comes and goes. I'm not a little child ANYMORE. Live well and happy. Everyone should deserve it. But, not everyone has it.
Sometimes i would just rather to be proud of myself because i'm an understading person, but not proud of myself because of YOU! NOT AT ALL !