Monday, November 10, 2008

i'm tired.. i'm tired of being who i am.




What's happening on me? I keep wondering why again and again.

For my own decision. This time. i think it's right. It's the time for me to breathe again. To feels the brand new me, to become stronger, and to become a better person.

Everyone is looking down on me. (for certain ppl) i knew it.

It's just like whatever stuff that i've done or whatever that i'm doing are WRONG! those making me crazy and confused!

At this age, problems comes and goes..

I got my own troubles. It's all so damn bothered! Pain killer couldn't help much.

Keep releasing/expressing to others. i know its useless. the facts are still here. but, just wanna express out to feeling better.

Where are you? When you're needed. but where are you? You're my only lover, but why ended up my friend with me at the very moment that i needs you?


30mins before i've started to write this blog.
I've just got myself out from frightening!!!

10:30pm at a so called 'friend' 's place. Waiting my another friend inside the car. As she said just take something only. okay, fine.

11pm, still waiting. Received calls and SMS from lover and mom. Got scolded. okay, never mind. it's okay..

11:15pm, still waiting. Finally received her called, said that ''she is COMING ''! okay! i was like, ''wow! finally!''

11:35pm, still waiting.

11:40pm, decided to pass back the car key to her and take taxi home.

11:45pm, walked out of the private apartment. No taxi at all !

11:50pm, walking out to the main road while still looking for taxi. (All the small roads are damn dark and lots of dogs! bout 7-8 dogs barked at me! I was scared! So scared! I was praying for myself. and hope that a taxi will appear in front of me! i miss someone that time! but damn disappointed on someone at the same time! )

11:55pm, thanks god! i got a taxi!

12:15am, finally reached my place.

Why? Why still never ever change? WHY??

And for myself.
What's happening again? WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!! i am RUINING my own life!!!!
isit my own problems? or what? pls tell me! i'm damn confusing right now! Who am i? i 'm lost.
I AM TOTALLY LOST !!!!


And for another 'you'! You're the most important person in my life. As everytime when i'm praying.
YOU!, mom, sis and bro would be the first that i praying for good in health and luck.
But, this is how you treated me. should i say THANKS for that?

Again, at my age. Problems comes and goes. I'm not a little child ANYMORE. Live well and happy. Everyone should deserve it. But, not everyone has it.
Sometimes i would just rather to be proud of myself because i'm an understading person, but not proud of myself because of YOU! NOT AT ALL !

1 comment:

Ric114 said...

Marc, Life is full of decisions.
A never ending process.Humans are meant to be Humans.
Problem comes and goes as you say.
But what I really do think is how we are able to walk out from all this.
There a lot of things I have been through when I was overseas.
I will share it with you one day.
To me, when all problems fall on you, when all looks like a mess in life, It is how you will get through it.
I dare use this phrase.

" I am proud of what I have been through "

Many people may not understand, But what matters most is how God wants us to be. He has every way , every plan for us. We shall just leave it in His hands to guide us, to bring us to be a better human.

In love, there is nothing RIGHT or WRONG. Make your lover understand is what most important. To gain happiness, we shall share our happiness.

Sometimes in life, the happiest moment may be the hardest time you have ever been through. I've been there done that. No matter how it may be. Follow your heart. It never fails you.