我错了..

我想是我做错了。爱一个人，真的很不应该去怀疑他所做的一切一切。 是我错了。我每一分钟每一秒都在想着他。在我们还没在一起之前，他已经跟我说过，他会是一个很纳闷的人。他不是没关心我，而是他用了另外一种方式来疼爱，关心。这一次，是我错了。我真的觉得我太爱他了。所以真的真的很怕会失去他。一直不断地对自己说，就算他真的在外面有别人，那又能算什么呢？我只要做好我自己的本份，全心全意地去爱他，就好了。现在是凌晨五点半了，我真的好想好想他。如果你在看着这片blog，我想告诉你，我以后都不会好像昨天那样问你，还有，对不起。。我真的好想你。我爱你。以后都别吵架了，好吗？还有，你以后做什么事，我都不会再干涉了。每次想你的时候，我只会发个短讯给你。就算没回我，我没事的。就算再担心，我不会再多想了。就算好想每天都跟你在一起，我知道你忙，我会习惯的。真的会。

拥有一段没有回应的爱情，我，很怕..很怕..

其实，想象中，我该是一个很幸福的人。对吗？我不断地在问我自己。

心里一直都好想好想知道一个答案，可是那问题始终都没那勇气去开口提问。

' 你到底爱我吗？'

好像是一个好傻好无知的问题。可是这问题的答案，往往就是很多人都很想知道的。可是，就是缺乏那股勇气去提问。我,.. 也不例外。这... 对吗？

我真的很怕...很怕..

昨晚.. 从来都没那么担心过一个人。就连我自己都没这么担心过我自己。

和你在一起的时候，你喜欢做的，就算我不喜欢，我也会很自然地变成喜欢。因为你，我不断努力地去改变我自己。我真的真的很不想这一切换来的只是一厢情愿。

写着地.. .. 我的mp3跳到了这一首大马歌手 - 罗忆诗的< 别再哭了 >。突然间，' 那' 一种感觉来了。


不敢再多想了.. 有你就好。

My First Birthday Present! LOVE it so much!!!! =)

6th of December is my actual birthday. But i've got my FIRST birthday present today! hehe..

Today, a whole day went out with my darling.

We had been to GreenBox Karaoke, Sg.Wang, GSCinema, Times Square, Tepanyaki, Ah Yip Leng Tong, Low Yat Plaza, and more!!! . hehe..

After we finished the karaoke session, my darling brought me to somewhere and bought me a ring!!! (a pair, for both of us) hehe... I was really really surprise and glad! :)

Lets see........

this is my lovely present.... =)

my ugly hand.. but the ring is nice..! hehe

Wahahhahah.... love it so much! :)

What am i suppose to say..?

就算心里再痛苦，心灵再创伤，表情都依然挂着微笑，而不想影响别人的心情。那人，大概就是我吧。

最近，实在有太多太多不想发生的事情围绕着我。好烦好烦！

可是，也应该是发生后，我才会更加珍惜。
啊！！！ 好烦啊！！！！

也许是我太天真，相信 ''只要付出，就会有收获。''

收获？在哪？到了吗？

其实，我从来都没有期望能得到什么收获。

只是...
有你就已够了。

i'm tired.. i'm tired of being who i am.

What's happening on me? I keep wondering why again and again.

For my own decision. This time. i think it's right. It's the time for me to breathe again. To feels the brand new me, to become stronger, and to become a better person.

Everyone is looking down on me. (for certain ppl) i knew it.

It's just like whatever stuff that i've done or whatever that i'm doing are WRONG! those making me crazy and confused!

At this age, problems comes and goes..

I got my own troubles. It's all so damn bothered! Pain killer couldn't help much.

Keep releasing/expressing to others. i know its useless. the facts are still here. but, just wanna express out to feeling better.

Where are you? When you're needed. but where are you? You're my only lover, but why ended up my friend with me at the very moment that i needs you?


30mins before i've started to write this blog.
I've just got myself out from frightening!!!

10:30pm at a so called 'friend' 's place. Waiting my another friend inside the car. As she said just take something only. okay, fine.

11pm, still waiting. Received calls and SMS from lover and mom. Got scolded. okay, never mind. it's okay..

11:15pm, still waiting. Finally received her called, said that ''she is COMING ''! okay! i was like, ''wow! finally!''

11:35pm, still waiting.

11:40pm, decided to pass back the car key to her and take taxi home.

11:45pm, walked out of the private apartment. No taxi at all !

11:50pm, walking out to the main road while still looking for taxi. (All the small roads are damn dark and lots of dogs! bout 7-8 dogs barked at me! I was scared! So scared! I was praying for myself. and hope that a taxi will appear in front of me! i miss someone that time! but damn disappointed on someone at the same time! )

11:55pm, thanks god! i got a taxi!

12:15am, finally reached my place.

Why? Why still never ever change? WHY??

And for myself.
What's happening again? WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!! i am RUINING my own life!!!!
isit my own problems? or what? pls tell me! i'm damn confusing right now! Who am i? i 'm lost.
I AM TOTALLY LOST !!!!


And for another 'you'! You're the most important person in my life. As everytime when i'm praying.
YOU!, mom, sis and bro would be the first that i praying for good in health and luck.
But, this is how you treated me. should i say THANKS for that?

Again, at my age. Problems comes and goes. I'm not a little child ANYMORE. Live well and happy. Everyone should deserve it. But, not everyone has it.
Sometimes i would just rather to be proud of myself because i'm an understading person, but not proud of myself because of YOU! NOT AT ALL !

Speechless day..

又另一个情绪化的一天。

最近觉得自己好像变了另一个人。好像变回几年前那一阵子的我，对人的感受又冷又淡，整个人成了冷血动物。

我还记得几年前的那一次，我突然变成了冷血动物。身边的朋友都很担心我，关心我，甚至还问我到底发生了什么事？为什么突然会变成那样？大家都觉得我好奇怪。

酱多年来，有四句话是一直都在我脑袋里，那是… “人很自然地会接受。 但，我们也应该得学会如何拒绝。” ， “不是每一个人都是可信的。即使是你身边对你最好的人，他们也会有出卖你的可能。”。

可能是因为我经历了很多很多…愉快的，不愉快的； 幸运，不幸运的; 辛苦，伤感，想发生，不想发生的…统统都在我十五岁之前经历过了。所以， 那四句话的含义…我领悟过了。就是因为曾经被利用，我学会了拒绝。就是因为曾经被出卖，我学会了提防。甚至学会了用感觉来看透人心，我…学会了做人。

我好累…好累。

END.

Wahseh!!! 5:30am! but still can't get into my dream! swt!

糟糕了！已经是凌晨五点半了啦！可是，还是睡不着！所以，第一件想做的事就是... 写Blog 咯～！haha 太爱部落格了！:p

突然间想到一些朋友之间的问题。
其实，当一对好友大吵之后的感情会不会比之前来得更好呢？还是，彼此都在很 ＇装着地＇迁就着对方？现实演员吗？ Sigh..

不知道！不知道！就好像这几天，对着他的时候总是有点不自在的感觉。好像没了之前的那种感觉，找不回了。其实我还是有点混乱，没有一点头绪叻！还是需要继续酱下去？又或许是我自己想太多了吧？？ 乱！！！
不过我真的希望他已改变了自己，不会再是那以前的他就好了。怎么说，他的本性是不错的。那就当是我自己想太多咯～！哈哈

要睡了，再想下去／再不睡，给 '某某人' 知道就被骂咯！haha
好想我的他哦！:p


晚安! (还是早安比较适当吧？hehe)

6:03am =)

END